Under weaknesses, you've put eczema.

There's a scene in The Office, where David Brent is talking through Big Keith's work appraisal. David says:

"Under weaknesses…you've put eczema."

When I first saw it, I must have been about 15. I'd never even heard eczema being mentioned on TV before. I laughed out loud at the joke, as did all my family.

Mum and Dad both looked at me and laughed, as if to say;

"Hahaha! Eczema, just like you! That could be you, Hannah!"

Looking back, that joke is really sad. I bet that Big Keith’s eczema really does feel like a weakness to him sometimes. I bet it does stop him from doing his best. I bet it does stop him from coming into work sometimes. Sadly, it doesn’t stop him from saying incredibly repulsive things to women, but I don’t think his eczema could ever really change that.

I could have quite easily written down on any of my past work appraisals that my eczema is a weakness. In fact, I think that my boss and colleagues would probably agree. I have had countless days off work because of my skin. I have missed important meetings and school events. I’ve left teachers in the lurch because of my absence. I’ve been off work for over two weeks at a time whilst being in hospital for treatments. I’m what people in Liverpool delightfully call a ‘sick note’.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t take advantage. I don’t take time off when it’s just a bit sore. And often, I go in when I probably shouldn’t and make it worse. I hate to be off work, it tends to makes me more stressed because I’m wondering and worrying what is going on in my classroom without me there. I’ve dragged myself in when I’ve been bandaged up and can barely walk. I’ve dragged myself in when my face is so sore I can barely talk. I’ve dragged myself in when I’ve felt so depressed and miserable that I can’t help but hide in the toilets at break time and cry.

I’ve just been off work for 3 days with a particularly bad flare up. I had become ill with the flu and over the course of the weekend, my already weakened immune system had allowed my skin to flare all over my body, from head to toe. So I had migraines, flu and the most uncomfortable bout of eczema I’ve had in a long time. A fantastic combination.

I had to call in sick. My stomach gets in knots just before I press the dial button. I feel embarrassed. I feel stupid. I hear the words ‘sick note’ floating round my head. I know my colleague will be annoyed. We’re only 4 weeks in and I’m off already. Bloody brilliant. Atomatically, my voice breaks with tears when I talk to the receptionist. This happens all the time when I talk about my skin to people, I just cry.

I’d spent all Sunday evening crying too, to my ever so patient boyfriend. I was in despair that I was going to be letting everyone down and told myself that I’d just force myself to go into work. Thankfully, I was brave (and my boyfriend was stubborn) and called in sick. I gave myself time to heal. Time to actually go to the doctors, rather than just scraping out the last little bits of creams from tubes scattered inside my bedside cabinet. Time to actually put the creams on properly, not just a quick slap of Dermol on my face twice a day thinking it will actually make a difference. I feel so much better just for taking care a little more, for seeing a doctor and trying a new medication.

Now, the challenge is, how can you turn this weakness into a strength? And that’s the battle I’m working on at the moment. It’s definitely the reason I’ve started this blog. To help me become stronger, to help others become stronger.

I think a strength that you gain from being an eczema sufferer, is empathy for others. As a group, I have found we are a caring bunch. We understand pain and upset, we understand what it feels like to be isolated, but we are happy to share our thoughts and strategies. We don’t judge and we are warriors.

So Mr Brent. Yes. Keith does have eczema and yes, it is a weakness right now. But it won’t be forever. He’s an eczema warrior too.

#work #absense #dermol #hospital #weakness #strength